Only a mothe r could love this liver
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
