I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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