I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
