Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
