It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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