All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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