We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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