the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
