I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
