Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
