just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
