Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
