I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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