I could have mohawked her pubes.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Mom said you looked used
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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