girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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