This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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