I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think I have vodka in my lungs
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
