and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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