There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
