I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
