Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
