just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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