it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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