Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
