she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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