i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
