Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
