So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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