I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
