haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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