They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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