I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize