You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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