i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
