I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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