Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
