This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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