I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
