my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
