I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
