If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
