apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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