There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i love accidental penises.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
