drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
