Christians are straight up FREAKS
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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