there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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