It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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