i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
