My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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