I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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