I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
