FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
