i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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