I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
