My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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