Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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