I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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