When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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