this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
