He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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