I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
