Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
