Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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