I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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