I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
