I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
