Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
