You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
