My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
