I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
