If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
