Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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