I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
