dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
