my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
