Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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