Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
