There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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