He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize