Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
