just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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