Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
My penis needs a shock collar
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
