whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
