im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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