tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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