there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
