I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
that is very illegal...i love you.
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