I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
