So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
