I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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