a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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